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Love.

I know I want to write about this topic, but so many trains of thought, questions, and ideas are zipping through my mind. How do I begin? Do I share personal stories? Should this be funny or serious? Is anyone actually going to care to read this since I am so unexperienced? …aaaannnnddd I’m still typing.

I love love. I used to hate the idea and was such a tomboy as a younger girl, but I grew out of that as I entered High School (though I tried to dissuade anyone who asked that I didn’t actually have a “crush”). I love the concept of love…though probably not the right concept. Fluttery feelings in the pit of your stomach, sweet words, catching someone’s eye from afar, favorite flowers, creative dates…the whole shabang. I know. Sappy, right? Commercial, right? Sigh.

But I’m slowly beginning to realize that this concept is wrong. Hear me out, please. There is nothing wrong with the things I’ve listed above themselves: flowers are wonderful if you aren’t allergic, creative dates are super fun, and sweet words (if they are heartfelt) can be so very encouraging. What’s wrong with the concept, however, is when that idea equals our perception of love. Let me explain.

When my perception of love is filled with only these ideas…these happy, fairytale-like ideas… I am believing a lie. My future love-life and possibly, marriage, someday is not going to be filled with romantic, straight-out-of-the-movies lines, fresh roses at my kitchen table, and kind actions all of the time. Reality check. My future relationships will most likely be spattered with arguments, difficult times, financial stress, loneliness, and heartache from time to time.

Falling in love with a distorted focus of what real love is can be a dangerous thing.

Now, I am not saying that my love-life is destined to be one big flop. There will be good times. Thank the Lord, there will be good times. But because of a sinful world, there will also be very difficult times. For me, falling in love with the wrong perception of love has been destructive. The wrong kind of love can include things that aren’t material. The wrong kind of love can be ignoring God’s timing. It can be going too far too fast. It can be compromise of your significant other’s character. It can be dishonesty with your relationship. As I said, falling in love with the wrong kind of love can be destructive. I know this. I have been hurt and I have hurt others because of this distorted perception. I pushed for a relationship before realizing that it wasn’t in God’s timing and caused disappointment. I compromised on someone’s character, ignoring my own standards, and ended up feeling rejected. I constantly ignore God’s sufficient grace for me and look to feeling loved by others to satisfy my heart. This wrong kind of love…this distorted perception…is so very hurtful.

I’m also not saying that with the snap of a finger, I can create a new focus of real love. It’s a process. A long, hard, prayer-filled process. I’m not good at waiting. But with God’s help, we can all shift our focus off of cheesy, fairytale love and put it entirely on Christ’s example of true love. Sacrificial love. Forgiving love. Love that is kind, patient, and all that other 1 Corinthians 13 stuff. Let’s focus on that kind of love and one day, when the time is good and right, we may find ourselves with someone who can fulfill that kind of love (to the best of their sinful ability).

And we may just be that kind of person as well.