Allergic to Grad School

“Yeah and the dog ate my homework, too.”

Nope. No excuses here, just stating the facts. Okay, it may not actually be school…but rather, something that is in school. This here is a quick story behind this most recent post. For the past 5-6 months, I have been dealing with unknown, mysterious allergies off and on. Sometimes, I will look fine. Other days, I look like I lost a fight with a swarm of bees. And then got sucker punched in both eyes. It’s fine.

We figured out that I am allergic to some product ingredients (just what exactly, I don’t know) but I am allergic to some makeups and some hair products. So, I found some nice, more natural products and life was good. (for about two and a half months)

Fast forward to semester three of grad school starting and I have the worst flare up I’ve experienced. Eczema on the face. Eyes looking like they are not just swollen and red, but diseased as well. Everybody notices. So fun. Then I realize that this reaction goes away when I go home on the weekends. *lightbulb*… I am allergic to grad school.

The point? I’m beyond frustrated. I look ridiculous. I can’t cover it up (makeup allergies, remember?) It’s painful, itchy, and burns like nobody’s business. Over the counter meds don’t work. My prescription medicine barely works. I have to treat clients and go to class (oh and go out in public in general!) looking like Quasimodo. I am so self conscious about it, I’m tired of dealing with it, and I am not anywhere close to finding out what is causing all of this. What a lot of people don’t realize is that dealing with allergies, especially unknown ones, causes a lifestyle change. All natural products. Reading the ingredients labels of EVERYTHING. Washing your hands 24/7. Medication. Moisturizers. Praying, praying, and oh did I mention…praying? Distilled water for face cleansing. Extra laundry. Unscented everything.

It sucks.

So, I am in the middle of a bad flare up today, I’ve had some frustrating moments in clinic, and I got involuntarily sent a campus-wide spam email today that has given me over 200+ emails in the span of 30 minutes or so?

Today just sucks.

Then, I remembered my devotions this morning. And every morning for the past 46 mornings. Take a wild guess as to what they were about. Yep, that’s right. THANKFULNESS. Yesterday morning and this morning’s devotions both had me reading James 1 (which actually is very unusual…typically each reading is a new verse/chapter to meditate on). Want to hear some of the highlighted Scriptures in James 1? Talk about some humble pie…

“Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (vs. 2-4)

And this one…

“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that driven and tossed by the wind.” (vs. 6)

Oh and this one…

“Blessed is the man (or woman!) who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him.” (vs. 12)

And another…

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” (vs. 17)

You see my point? I shouldn’t even have to dive deeper, I think you guys get the picture, right? God is the Author of joy. His idea, yep. He created it. Don’t you think…as the Creator…He knows what He’s talking about? If He says there can be joy found in the midst of trials, I think we should take His word for it. Don’t you think that the same God who asks this hard thing of us, knows the end result? Duh…look back at verse 12! He will BLESS those who remain faithful and count those dang trials to be joy! The joy comes from knowing that the trial will NOT last forever and that God is faithful to His faithful kids. The same God who requires us to do the impossible (or so we think), is the same Heavenly Father who LOVES to shower His children with good and perfect gifts.

So, I can sit here and cry (literally, just buckets of tears) over my stupid allergies. Or I can give thanks. I can remember that God (the Giver of good gifts, remember?) blessed me with an amazing doctor who chats with me over the phone and email, who meets me where I am because he knows that I live too far away to come in for an appointment every couple weeks (and who already sent in a new prescription for me!!). I can remember that God blessed me with healthy skin on the rest of my body! I don’t have eczema everywhere that so many have to suffer through. I can remember that my eyesight is good and unaffected thus far. I can remember that I have so many people praying for healing for me.

So much to be thankful for. So much joy waiting to be discovered. Even if I am allergic to school.

 

You Are A God Who Sees Me

I promise I didn’t forget how to write 🙂 Sometimes, nothing comes to me, and I’m totally okay with that. I don’t feel any pressure to write, it’s just something that I enjoy doing when thoughts come to me. I definitely have some neat things to share tonight, so it was the perfect time to bust out the blog.

This won’t be long, but I hope it will be an encouragement all the same! To give a little backstory, I started my last year of grad school two weeks ago (only thirteen weeks left!!!) and if you have ever read anything I have written before, you may know that grad school is not my favorite place on earth. But that’s okay too… I’ve come to realize that I don’t actually have to like it. I need to be thankful for it because God provided it, but still not my fave. Anyway, I am a speech path student and I start seeing clients tomorrow. Funny thing is, I have had clinic experiences before and have had my own caseload before, but I am nervous out of my mind about this one! I don’t know if it’s the variety of clients that I have, or the new school/supervisors, or what, but I am just plain old, pit-in-the-stomach nervous.

Anyway, I was driving back to school tonight, singing along to a hodgepodge of worship music, but really not getting into it. I was trying to pay attention to what I was singing and I may have prayed a little for help about clinic, but my nerves were getting the best of me. When we (and by we, I mean definitely me) focus on our emotions and feelings more than the solid, head knowledge of what we know to be true, we often fight those feelings of failure, fear, worthlessness, etc. That is called taking matters into your own hands. And funny thing is, our hands aren’t often equipped to deal with such difficult things in life. But God’s are.

I got back to my little studio and while I was putting my stuff away and cleaning, I was texting some family and friends, asking for prayer. Prayer for overwhelming peace, wisdom in how to treat my clients, and good guidance from supervisors in the process. Right after I had finished texting, one of my good friends also messaged me. We hadn’t talked in a few days so I thought it was nice to hear from her! Her text read “What can I pray about for you tonight?”

A simple text and I broke down in tears. This, friends, (especially to me) is proof of God’s faithfulness…even if it was in such a little thing. He listened to the cry of my aching and fearful heart and sent one more prayer warrior along…one who was completely in the dark about how I was feeling at the moment.

God sees us right where we are. He loves us. He is a faithful Father and just delights in giving us grace upon grace upon grace.

I was reminded tonight that He always cares. It doesn’t matter how small or seemingly insignificant. He cares. This reminder for myself tonight also brought my mind to a passage in Scripture. Genesis 16. You’ll have to read the chapter for yourself because I’m not going to type it all out, but in short, an Egyptian woman named Hagar was experiencing some major woes of her own. She was used and treated unfairly and ended up in a far-from-comfortable situation. I’m sure she had the pit in her stomach as well. I’ll end with her revelation about God (so similar to my own tonight), but I encourage you to read the full story to see the entirety of God’s blessing, keeping in mind His faithfulness. He is truly good.

Gnight, friends ❤

“So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, ‘You are a God of seeing,’ for she said, ‘Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me.'” {Genesis 16:13}