More Grace

This may be short. It might not be. I haven’t quite decided yet. I’m sitting here listening to Christmas music (quite odd for me…I’m typically an adamant, after-Thanksgiving listener), contemplating the day, and really feeling the urge to write a little. I wrote a paper earlier today, so maybe that sparked something. Who knows? 🙂 This morning, though, I sat in my Human Diversity class, learning about ableism, and my professor said something that really gave my heart a twinge. She spoke about how we often feel incompetent, especially in the realm of mental illness, but even moreso in our walks with the Lord.

If we have a relationship with Christ, we are saved by grace. However, we often try to earn His grace, despite knowing that we don’t need to.

It was like the Holy Spirit was in person form and was jumping around inside my head shouting (kindly, of course), “YO. YOU DO THIS, GIRL!” Of course, I retort back, “No, I don’t! I am a child of God for pete’s sake! He saved me by grace! I know I don’t have to do anything to earn His favor!”

Then He spoke again and said (a little more quietly this time), “Then, why do you live like you have to earn it?”

That’s when I got a little teary-eyed. Whether or not the Holy Spirit was jumping about my mind is beside the point: what the important point is, however, is that He convicted me today. I constantly live as if I have to earn God’s favor.

Many of you (including myself, apparently), may not really see the issue with this. After all, when we try to earn God’s favor, it’s not like we are dipping a hand in the Sunday collection plate, giving our neighbor the cold shoulder, or lying about that homework assignment we forgot to do. NO! When we try to earn God’s favor…we do good things. We try to go to church more. We try to put up with our annoying neighbors. We try to limit our cussing. We try to pray more, read our Bibles more, and think good thoughts. The operative word here, folks, is try. We can try and try and try until we think we deserve a medal or something, but God looks at us and merely shakes His head. Why? Because we are trying for perfection. Yup. We are.

You see, when we forget that God’s grace is not earned, we try to earn a holiness that only He can bestow. Trying to do good to earn God’s favor is like trying to use a high school dropout record to get you into a Harvard Doctorate Program. It just isn’t gonna happen. Paul says this in His letter to the Galatians…

“I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose” {Galatians 2:21}

For good works to earn us God’s favor, we would have to be perfect (because He is perfect, Heaven is perfect, and He knows no sin). We would have to be spewing out good works so there was not an inch of space for anything slightly wrong. And surprise, surprise…not one of us can do that. We are imperfect. Righteousness could only come through doing good things if we did them perfectly. And if we could do them perfectly…Jesus would have had zero reason to die on the cross.

THAT is grace. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” {2 Corinthians 5:21} Guys. We don’t have to earn grace. Especially when we know that we are saved by it. In His grace, He calls us children, brothers, and even SAINTS. What a nugget of truth. A boulder of truth. A freaking mountain of truth. He calls us saints by His grace given to us. {Ephesians 2:19}

I have been living life recently trying desperately to earn God’s favor. I think I have become much more aware of my sin and have simply forgotten that He forgives. He is loving and merciful and good and He will cast my sin as far as the east is from the west because I am His. Guys, I have given in to temptation, spoke out of turn, easily become angry, selfishly demanded my way, and so much more. I even feared for the longest time that God would be upset with me and take away good things from me if I kept messing up. Ultimately, though, I have disregarded who God is by trying to earn back His favor after all my mistakes. I threw His gift of grace in the garbage by not acknowledging it. I have left Him in the dust as I have tried to get on His good side. I have doubted His promises as I try to take matters into my own hands. I have really been a poor excuse of a child of His.

Yet, that grace is still there. God knows my sins. He knows my shame. And He knows that I will often try to make myself right with Him by doing good things. And yet, He still grants me His grace. Holy wow.

Friends, may we stop trying. Do good to honor your Father in Heaven. Don’t do good simply to earn back His favor…you will never do enough. Remember that “He gives more grace” {James 4:6} and live in light of that truth.

The Ocean Floor

“Well, I guess I could have stayed ashore…”

I’ve heard the ocean used as a metaphor to describe both grace and pain. While I think both analogies are true, I’ve been experiencing the latter more so in my everyday life. As I’m typing, I’m listening to a song by Gianna Jessen titled “Ocean Floor” and she captures my feelings perfectly. Gianna survived an attempted abortion and lives life struggling with Cerebral Palsy. Although living with CP and living without a family member are completely different events, I strongly believe we are both not only struggling amidst the waves, but feeling as if we are at the bottom of the ocean.

The ocean floor is dark and frigid, with thousands of pounds of pressure upon it. That’s where I feel that I am right now. For awhile there, I felt as if I was able to swim towards the surface and sunlight, but now, I feel as if I have plunged back downward. This is the last place I want to be. I want to heal. I want to be joyful. I want to be genuinely present. However, it’s hard to feel healed, joyful, and present when the shore is so very far away.

“And the water’s cold around me now, so far below. And I hear a voice beside me now just trying to let go. And I’m just here on the ocean floor, but the world’s not moving anymore.”

Yes, I truly believe that God will heal me from this despair and these crushing depths. I believe that He will put my family back together again. I believe He can and will provide joy again. But it’s just difficult to see that right now.

“And I’m still here on the ocean floor, but I can’t feel my heart beat anymore. In this quiet, I have changed, because I can hear my God call my name.”

The best we can do in the depths of the ocean is to tune our hearts to hear His voice. I’m not sure how long it will take, but I know rescue and relief will come. I don’t have all the answers…or anywhere close to all the answers, but I trust that He knows and He will show them to me at the right time. Until then, I just have to be patient and wait…keeping my eyes focused on the surface. The neat thing though, is that God’s Word holds numerous examples of His power over the ocean depths. The following verses are the reminders that I daily need…reminders that my Savior is Master of even the deepest and tumultuous of oceans.

“You formed the mountains by your power and armed yourself with mighty strength. You quieted the raging oceans with their pounding waves and silenced the shouting of the nations.” ~Psalm 65:6-8

“If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave,you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.” ~Psalm 139:8-10

“Who but God goes up to heaven and comes back down? Who holds the wind in his fists? Who wraps up the oceans in his cloak? Who has created the whole wide world?” ~Proverbs 30:4

“Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale? Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord? Who knows enough to give him advice or teach him?” ~Isaiah 40:12-13

“I cried out to the Lord in my great trouble, and he answered me.
I called to you from the land of the dead, and Lord, you heard me! You threw me into the ocean depths, and I sank down to the heart of the sea. The mighty waters engulfed me; I was buried beneath your wild and stormy waves.” ~Jonah 2:2-3

“Jesus responded, ‘Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!’ Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. The disciples were amazed. ‘Who is this man?’ they asked. ‘Even the winds and waves obey him!'” ~Matthew 8:26-27

He created the ocean depths. The waves obey His every command. He answers us, even when we are in the heart of the sea.