“Well, I guess I could have stayed ashore…”
I’ve heard the ocean used as a metaphor to describe both grace and pain. While I think both analogies are true, I’ve been experiencing the latter more so in my everyday life. As I’m typing, I’m listening to a song by Gianna Jessen titled “Ocean Floor” and she captures my feelings perfectly. Gianna survived an attempted abortion and lives life struggling with Cerebral Palsy. Although living with CP and living without a family member are completely different events, I strongly believe we are both not only struggling amidst the waves, but feeling as if we are at the bottom of the ocean.
The ocean floor is dark and frigid, with thousands of pounds of pressure upon it. That’s where I feel that I am right now. For awhile there, I felt as if I was able to swim towards the surface and sunlight, but now, I feel as if I have plunged back downward. This is the last place I want to be. I want to heal. I want to be joyful. I want to be genuinely present. However, it’s hard to feel healed, joyful, and present when the shore is so very far away.
“And the water’s cold around me now, so far below. And I hear a voice beside me now just trying to let go. And I’m just here on the ocean floor, but the world’s not moving anymore.”
Yes, I truly believe that God will heal me from this despair and these crushing depths. I believe that He will put my family back together again. I believe He can and will provide joy again. But it’s just difficult to see that right now.
“And I’m still here on the ocean floor, but I can’t feel my heart beat anymore. In this quiet, I have changed, because I can hear my God call my name.”
The best we can do in the depths of the ocean is to tune our hearts to hear His voice. I’m not sure how long it will take, but I know rescue and relief will come. I don’t have all the answers…or anywhere close to all the answers, but I trust that He knows and He will show them to me at the right time. Until then, I just have to be patient and wait…keeping my eyes focused on the surface. The neat thing though, is that God’s Word holds numerous examples of His power over the ocean depths. The following verses are the reminders that I daily need…reminders that my Savior is Master of even the deepest and tumultuous of oceans.
“You formed the mountains by your power and armed yourself with mighty strength. You quieted the raging oceans with their pounding waves and silenced the shouting of the nations.” ~Psalm 65:6-8
“If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave,you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.” ~Psalm 139:8-10
“Who but God goes up to heaven and comes back down? Who holds the wind in his fists? Who wraps up the oceans in his cloak? Who has created the whole wide world?” ~Proverbs 30:4
“Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale? Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord? Who knows enough to give him advice or teach him?” ~Isaiah 40:12-13
“I cried out to the Lord in my great trouble, and he answered me.
I called to you from the land of the dead, and Lord, you heard me! You threw me into the ocean depths, and I sank down to the heart of the sea. The mighty waters engulfed me; I was buried beneath your wild and stormy waves.” ~Jonah 2:2-3“Jesus responded, ‘Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!’ Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. The disciples were amazed. ‘Who is this man?’ they asked. ‘Even the winds and waves obey him!'” ~Matthew 8:26-27
He created the ocean depths. The waves obey His every command. He answers us, even when we are in the heart of the sea.
Love Sees You 
As I prepared to speak at Geneva College April 6th for the chapel service, I was reading Hebrews 12:1,2. This was the passage I would speak on. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw of everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us set our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
As I read in the morning, the little words jumped out at me. These little words are some of the most important words that are missed in this passage. They are also a big part of what is missing in our churches today.
These words are: we, us, us, us, us, our. In these two verses we see these small words used 6 times. It must be important that WE live this Christian life together. I fail so many times helping and encouraging my brothers and sisters in Christ. The love that was poured out for us when Jeremy died was overwhelming.
I personally had two friends finish painting a house I started. Another friend took off work a day to help me plan a funeral and buy a cemetery plot. Many brought food. Some brought campers for family to stay at our house in the yard. Many offered great words of encouragement. Many came day after day to help around the house and be available to talk and hug. A few still do that. One friend helped me replace a small deck at my house. Still another friend came weeks later to spend a day talking to me and helping me at camp – his brother committed suicide when we were in college. I never knew how much he hurt.
Those are examples of “WE” that we need to do every day. God is allowing our family to experience the harshness of the ocean, because one day we will need to be the ones to come along side others. Until someone experiences the death of a child or a suicide, that pain is really not understood completely. I never in my life imagined the pain that our close friends went through years ago, when their son took his life. I was sad by the event but did not understand. They have been a source of comfort to us. As we will need to be that some day as well.
God is slowly healing me. He is teaching me to look to Christ, who is in heaven. He has my son perfect and protected. Jeremy is at home now and where Satan cannot touch or torment him anymore. Because Jesus won on the cross and over death, Jeremy has won. We need to fix our eyes on Jesus who started faith and ran this life ahead of us. He enables us to run steep hills, to run in the fog when we cant see, run when its cold and dark, or even when its beautiful and smooth. He teaches us to run but we need the body of Christ to help us to conquer that which we cannot think we can overcome.
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